Q: I have just recently come to recognize that I dont handle change very well, although my husband and friends have told me that for years. I seem to have trouble with changes that are out of my control. And then when I try to change things I want to change, I just dont know what to do and get bogged down. What do you recommend for my question?

Youve asked a very good question, and Im going to use it to start a two part series on change. You see, theres really only two kinds of change: change that seeks us out (such as getting older, job and relationship loss, etc.) and change that we seek out (such as getting rid of weight, improving a relationship, making more money, etc). Knowing how to manage and what kind of tools to use with each kind of change can make all the difference.

This week well look at how to handle the changes that come your way, and next week well look at how to get the changes you desire.

Change that seeks us out

One of the few things that are constant in this world is change. At the same time, many people just dont like change. As a matter of fact, the only person I know that always likes change is a wet baby!

Having said that, I believe that most people do not like change because they either dont know how to respond to it, or respond poorly.

One way to think about this is that change is like waves on the beach. Just like change, waves are relentless, can be very powerful, and theres really only three things you can do with a wave: let it knock you down, survive it, or ride it.

Lets take a closer look at each of these three ways to handle change.

Letting it knock you down

We let the waves of change knock us down when we take what I call the dead roach approach to change. That is, flat on our back, feet in the air, and just let it take control.

You can tell you are taking this approach when you say things like:

Im so stressed out!

I cant take this!

This isnt fair.

Why does this always have to happen to me?

Surviving it

Doesnt surviving change sound like a good thing to want to do? While in a few cases its really the only thing you can do, it really isnt the optimal approach to take. I dont know about you, but merely surviving doesnt sound like a very compelling way to live to me.

If youre thinking and saying these things, youve probably settled on merely surviving:

How can I get through this?

Whats the worst that could happen here?

I dont know if I can take this.

What can I do to get by?

The problem with taking a survival approach is that you just merely get by. When youre ready to do more than just get by, its time to begin.........

Riding it

Riding the waves of change means finding a way, or many ways, to make the changes work for you.

Here are some questions to ask to begin to learn how to thrive on change:

How can I make this work for me?

Whats good about this?

What does this change allow me to do that I couldnt do before?

What positive things might this change force me to do that I might not have thought of doing before?

Since life has handed me a lemon, how can I make lemonade?

Change is inevitable. How we handle it is optional. Make the choice to ride the waves and youre likely to create a compelling life for yourself.