What we really want to know is, "Are there any entertaining or interesting programs on television?" We now have at least ninety- six channels to choose from, even though two have duplicate programming and five are in Spanish. Here's a list of currently available offerings:

...Infomercial on how to turn your life savings into a million dollars or nothing in one month.

...Chucky watches Binky discover his winky.

...The life and times of an ant colony. (repeat).

...Actual police raid in Los Angeles (re-creation of a re-creation, not to be confused with real life.)

...How to own an amazing and unbelievable cheese grater for only $39.99 in four easy payments.

...Situation Comedy - Three men and a goat. (Unsuitable for children under 18).

...Exerciserama. How to remain thin exercising for only three hours per day. Photographed on an actual rooftop in San Francisco.

...Sci Fi movie of the week. Nancy discovers that her hometown boyfriend is not from her hometown, is not her friend and is not a boy.

...Actual taped footage of a Unitarian Service including selections from the over-70 choir. Four hours.

...Stock Market graphs showing a rising market followed by seven reasons why we all lost money last month.

...Yesterday's news in a new user friendly entertainment production.

I remember television from the sixties when we could choose from only seven channels. The meager offerings included: All in the Family, The Carol Burnett Show, The Sound of Music, You Bet Your Life, The Honeymooners, Mannix, Taxi, Mission Impossible, Dean Martin's Roast, The Lucy Show and The Untouchables.